So we tried it. We thought worse than using a dental dam was never engaging in this kind of ritualistic activity ever again. Sometimes you have to weigh your options. I’m being real positive, real hopeful here. Hell, what can be so bad about a grape-scented, grape-coloured, latex barrier between her mouth and my vagina anyway? I was about to find out. So there I am, pants down to my ankles and she places this little latex sheet over my privates. I’m trying to feel mature and responsible for being a good little lesbian and practicing “safer” sex. And I am… I mean, I want herpes like I want a stick in the eye.
So, like I said, she’s placing this thing on me and then goes to it. Maybe if I’d never had a tongue in my pants I’d think this was okay. But I was damning the damn dam in my head. Truth be told, I was okay with the idea of never being on the receiving end of oral sex. I mean, it’s all good, but there’s no shortage of what you can do in the sack. But had she suggested I never go down on her, I’d probably feel thwarted in my wifely duties. So the dam seemed the best thing. Weighing our options. What’s so bad about the dam? Well, for starters, I didn’t feel a thing. And my girlfriend is a super star in bed so it’s not her, if that’s what you’re thinking. Nor do we have lesbian bed-death (yet). The problem was all its own: It smelled like grapes. It stole my fluids. And when we kissed afterwards, I felt like we were six year olds chewing on bubble gum.
Now I’m not saying that with a little practice and a much larger piece of latex you couldn’t make something of it. It’s kinda cool that it gets totally see-through when wet. It may not be like oral-sex as you’ve known it, but it’s still kind of fun. Weird fun. Torturous fun. When it comes to safer sex, I’d say that gloves are kinky and condoms save you from having to wash your toys every single time (time better spent using them instead) . But dental dams conjure up images of laminated pussy (that’s when I’m not thinking of the dentist) and I can’t afford the several hours of meditative yoga it would require to repair my libido.
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